Sunday Church

Church was this morning and I was surprised to see Erik there. I thought he'd still be out of town rafting the Kings. I can see how he sees now though, and it's sad if he's feeling how I think he feels..like me. I think he's just tired of it all...weary. I never hurt him, but it's been a burden I'm sure just to put up with such an off beat friendship. Sometimes we were more than friends, like still dating...and others I was like a stranger. I can see it being hard. And if he feels like I do towards this other side, I just don't really care to care anymore. I want to, but it's hard and draining. I tried one last time to make things right between another friend.

The cliff note version...we talked and I asked for the source of the problem. I was told a story hesitantly because he didn't want to get anyone else involved. I was shocked, taken back, and relieved all at the same time. It was a lot of he said she said that had been misinterpreted and I even had a witness at the time of this conflict to say that I did not (and would not) do such a thing. The gossip was not true, although I won't lie I think I made a comment on being uncomfortable at the time (which ended that conversation and prompted a new one), which might have been taken more seriously than intended. But I was not lying. I really was uncomfortable. Anyways, even though I feel kind of more at peace, I still hurt...really bad...from everything...still. That sucked.

But the day went by and I took things as they came. It unfolded into something better. A friend joined me at the LCM BBQ for lunch and to talks some business issues for a club. And then I went home, chatted with the roommates, then went upstairs to get things done. I brought ice cream to a friend and watched some rafting on the discovery channel and then headed over to visit Tyler and meet his friend Taylor who was visiting SLO for the week. We talked, laughed, sang, laughed some more, drank juice and then I went home and went to sleep. I was feeling better, but I was still down. Does this feeling never go away?