Iowa

I heard on the radio this morning on the way to the airport that Cedar Creek is under blizzard warnings and local schools have been closed. They expect up to four inches of snow before 9pm tonight. I was up by 5:30am this morning. But since I haven’t been here long enough to adjust to the time zone difference, I might as well say I was up at 3:30am. I woke up with a parched and sore throat and cloudy state of mind. This can’t be good.

Although I’ve been on time (if not early) to everything this trip entails so far, here is how my morning really went. I couldn’t get up at 5:30am, so briefly passing out, I woke up to my phone alarm at 6:00am. I pulled back the covers and rushed (I expected this) to wash my face and pack my bags. By 6:30am I was downstairs grabbing a quick breakfast from the lounge to go. I rushed out the door, put my stuff in the car, and drove off to Collins Road towards 380 South. It was a good thing I drove around the night before or I would have missed the confusing onramp.

I was in a hurry. It was already 6:50am and my flight leaves at 7:30am. It was hard to see in the dark and the roads were slick. By the time I drove down to exit 13 (from 24A), the air was thick and whitish. There was definitely a storm coming in today. Of course, not being able to see and being unfamiliar with the area, I miss the exit. Getting off on the next exit, I realize it is a rest stop. I get back on the freeway and get off at the next exit. The air is thick now and droplets of something is appearing on my windshield (either rain or snow) and freezing instantly. I get back on 380 North and exit the proper exit towards the Airport. Of course, I don’t know the airport and still can’t see so I miss the turnoff back to the car rental lot. After a U-turn, I drive towards the lot, park the car, and rush into the airport. It was 7:18am.

Turning in my keys, the lady asks what the mileage is. I look at her with despair. I had not checked. She says she cannot print me a receipt and I ask for any other way since my plane was supposed to leave in ten minutes. She agrees to trust me to call her back to get her a fax number and has someone else go look for the car and check the mileage. I race off about a hundred more meters to the check-in desk and the lady prints my boarding pass and directs me to security and the gate. I walk 50 meters (it’s a small airport eh?) to security and wait to go through. I hear them call my name on the PA. After security, I put on my shoes and grab all my other clothing without putting them back on and bustle to the gate. The man smiles at me and says I’m just in time…and the last one. I walk outside towards the airplane and walk onboard. The sky is still slightly dark from the early morning and dark clouds. I proceed to sit down and pass out barely a few seconds after takeoff. I don’t even wake up until after we’re on the ground 40 minutes later in St. Louis. I’m exhausted.

And that’s my story thus far. I’m sitting in the St. Louis airport right now. I’m disappointed that this one also does not have free Wi-Fi (neither does LAX). Denver International Airport does and it’s the greatest thing ever. Obviously, I will be uploading this passage at a later time.

1 Corinthian 13

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

• Patience is tough.
• I can be kind, but am working on consistency and quality.
• I envy. That's not good.
• I don't know if I boast.
• Can't say I'm proud of it. I've been called pathetic. That hurts.
• I try not to be rude and keep my mouth shut.
• Oh indeed I am self-seeking...sorry.
• Not angered. More of saddened.
• I've already forgotten all the reasons I didn't like him.
• I don't delight in evil. I would never sabotage or hurt anyone. I'd almost always rather take the fall.
• I trust too much.
• I hope too much.
• I persevere too much. It doesn't work to my benefit.

When will it go away? How do we keep God's perfect love? Why do I feel like trying to love like Him kills me inside. God lead me.

GSD

Ugh. Why am I still awake? So...tired. I'm going to be paying for this later today.

Surprise Me

For those who know me, this is no surprise. And you can roll your eyes and tell me to move on. To those who don't know me, don't let this phase you. I'm at the point where I need to move on for good. Alas, the truth here an now.

If you were going to ask someone out, how would you do it? Is one way more effective than another? What if you love (or loved) someone so much...the real kind...not the obsessive or puppy kind. This confuses me sometimes because to truly love someone...and let's say they don't love you back...that means that you love them enough to...not love them? That doesn't sound right.

Anyways, back to the focus. When someone says no, do you just give up? What's the right thing to do? What do you do when you've truly cared about someone for two years...after breaking up. The feelings never went away. And you can't separate and cut yourself off from him. Even though I'm comfortable around him, my heart still flutters and I really am not as aware of the other people around me. It's different of course...if we were dating then it'd be different. I could focus on those around me and not so much on the light sorrow of not being able to date him or trying to get a trickle of his attention. It's odd to think that I consider myself a pretty strong person...strong willed, confident, happy...and yet one person can make all that come crashing down...the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart.

Anyways, looking at the past, I spent a lot of time leaning on him for support in my life. He was giving it to me, but mostly because I was making him. He's not perfect. He's kind of odd actually in some ways. He says some ridiculous things and doesn't understand a lot of things I would expect him to. But that's just the way I like him. I thought I didn't, but now I want all of those things back. And I've turned myself around. Now I want to support him and build him up. I want to be a light in a relationship. I think I'm ready to share that now with...someone.

TGIF

It's a mystery the way the human social interaction works. Like how it is viewed as weak or not interesting when we say how we really feel or reveal more information about ourselves. And then it turns into a game of mystery and hard to get. I understand it. Like others, I find a somewhat mysterious person intriguing...to an extent. So then we wonder for instance in writing in a blog...which is meant to be a journal except completely public...how much is too much to make the person that less interesting?

It was an interesting night tonight. My day was a story in itself. I woke up and met up with a wonderful new girl in my SWE officer core. We talked about some of her roles and what she could do (run with it I say). I then went off to class, where we went over DFAs and NFAs. I already know about them because I already took Theory (this class is the prerequisite for Theory). After class, I headed over to lab where I intended to go to lab. But then I started getting phone calls. I spoke to a few companies and friends on SWE business. One ended up being from my Sun Microsystems contact who asked me out to lunch. So...I said sure. I packed my things and headed out of lab...so much for that.

Lunch was wonderful. My Sun contact was awesome and way down to earth. She is also very charming and charismatic. Girl style of course. We went to Guiseppes (I can't spell) and sat at a fancy table at the corner Italian restaurant. Appetizers, water, and a pasta dish. We talked about work-related things to life. It was great. At the end she put it on the company card and said I was a cheap date and that we should have gotten drinks and dessert lol.

I was driven back to campus and I headed to the Bonderson buildings for class. I had to make a few calls so I ducked into a room next to the room I was supposed to be in and called a few people up to clarify and fit people into some empty seat at SWE's EWI that evening. In the end I got to class late and our team meeting ended early. So I just hung out and walked around with Dan. He showed me his "lab" and explained his thesis project. I was intrigued. It's awesome that he can do research like that. I took him to his car, then went home myself. I had told myself that I'd wear a dress to EWI that evening. I know that it is business causal (there isn't any set dress code), but that I would wear a dress anyways. Long behold I put a dress, but when I get there and see every one piling out of their cars in business casual clothes or suits, I turn around and go home to change into a nice pair of slacks and layered sweater. So much for that idea.

EWI was alright. It was good, but not fantastic. I sat with Cisco in hope to get a better edge into their Associate Systems Engineering program. The reps that we sat with were nice, but did not know much about it. In fact, it kind of frustrates me that companies just send random people to events like these. You can't build up a relationship quite as well with someone you only see once and who is just down for the heck of it and not for anything else. Not all companies are like that. I recognized quite a few company reps there, but not at my table. So I just leaned back, and talked to them like I would any other person. No company questions, just ideas, life, and school topics. I randomly brought up a philosophical question (considering I'm in a philosophical class) and it turns out that one of the reps had originally majored in philosophy. What a small world.

I was recognized for being an OWE nominee, but didn't win the top five. That's okay. I didn't expect to since my GPA was really low compared to pretty much all the other girls. But it's still an honor to be nominated (yay!).

After EWI, I hung out and took pictures with some friends, and then headed over to campus to hit up the barn dance put on by CLDC. There were less people than last time. It was fun anyways. My friends were there and I had quite a few good two-steps (with fancy twirls lol) and was in good company. A few other people who had also been at EWI came up to congratulate me. I don't know if I looked appreciative, but I was. :)

We all danced until midnight. I took off just a little bit before it ended to meet up supposedly with Amy and Sabrina downtown. I knew Ebrah had been there before, but I figured he'd probably taken off by now. So I sent a message to Sue and she called me back saying to meet her at DTB. Off I went (I had to go home to get my ID) and when I got there, Ebrah was with her too! What a surprise. I knew that they'd gone to get drinks earlier with some other people, but I didn't really think he'd still be there. Much less at DTB. Much less dancing. Lol. Anyways I hadn't seen Sue in forever and it was so great to see her. I love that girl. I don't know why but we get along real good. So we all went downstairs, got a drink, and danced the rest of the evening away. I danced with Sue a lot since I didn't know the boundaries with Ebrah. And I told myself to look away or let it slide when he'd dance with a girl. But he grabbed my hands a few times and took me for a whirl. It was fun. As always. Especially when he wrapped his arms around me. But of course, it would come to an end. There were a few other people who moved in to dance with me, some of them I already knew. But I didn't dance back. When Ebrah is around, I can't seem to see anyone else. Perhaps that'll pass on someday to someone else. Sue left to meet some friends upstairs. I let him show me his moves lol. It was so cute. I love dancing with him.

Around closing time, Ebrah took off and I stayed behind to hang out with Sue. We all went to Woodstocks where I also got to meet up with my other friends (and take care of them in the bathroom lol), ate some good pizza, and played spontaneous DD for the night. I walked some people in to make sure they were alright, and picked up a guitar to play, then after some shocking incidences, decided to take off and I took Sue with me to go somewhere else. I didn't get home until 4am. What a day. What a night.

Perfectly Just

Can I ever be a perfectly just person? Probably not...although I will try at times throughout my life. A perfectly just person is someone who is portrayed as unjust, but is actually just. Not to be confused with being seen and looked down on as unjust...I mean it more of like...invisible. This is all theoretical. The point is that when we are good people..."just" people...we still reap the benefits of our good works, whether it be status, respect, pride, etc.

But can we do something and let someone else take credit for it and still be content? Or how about donating a million dollars to a charity and never revealing that you were the donor...to anyone. Sometimes it is quite doable. And the internal pleasure is more than enough. But the perfectly just person does this at all times. So we've still got some room to learn.

Again, I'm not saying that we should all be like this at times. It's okay to get that respect and recognition...quite okay. But as long as that is not our main motive for our "good" actions. Ah, to be humbled...

Now and Then

I've got only a few minutes to write as I sit in the corner of lab 301 before heading out to some good (more like amazing) dinner. My thoughts for today? Hmm.

Well, I've seemed to become a little more anti-social these days. Not that I'm anti-social by any means, but it's more of like...I don't have to go looking for things to do all the time. They fall into my lap. And if anything, I go hide in corners to get work done lol. That's because I have a hard time saying no to fun. :)

It's not anything to brag about. It's just a reflection of how life is now versus how it once was a few years ago where I felt often excluded and would be searching endlessly for something that interested me or for good people to be with. It really makes me appreciate my time in solitude and I am always happy these days...even in darkest times. I love my friends and care about them dearly. All of them.

Busy Weekend

So it was yet another busy, but pleasantly busy weekend. :)

The SWE retreat went well and it was about as fun as a conference type meeting could be. Great to see the girls again. I'm always afraid of being a bad leader, or someone they don't want to lead them. But they're happy, and so I am too!

After the officer retreat and then exec meeting, I headed up the hill to the CSC labs and found it packed with gamers for the ACM Lan Party. I did my part and played some Wolfenstein. Whenever a friend killed me they yelled out "I killed Meesh!" to the entire room full of people. Eventually, some other people would say it too. And sometimes people would yell across the room "Meesh wait, stop running!" lol. That was the medic trying to give me more health. I have no idea who he is...just a voice...

Anyways, then it was time to go to Ebrah and Tyler's house for some good cookin' with the rest of the gang and after everyone else left, I stayed behind and jammed out for the next three or four hours with the house roommates. We had two guitars, a mandolin, and a viola. And I guess...a voice. It wasn't half bad. :) We need to have those more often. As I headed out, I debated between going out or going to sleep. Sleep got the best of me and I headed home and crashed in the middle of a good read.

Sunday afternoon was spent at Mt. Carmel and at the college BBQ. Julie and I were worried about our dresses flying up because it was so windy! The food was excellent. I stayed to help clean up, then packed Cameron into the car and gave him a ride home. I spent the rest of the afternoon relaxing and doing homework, then had dinner with Ty and John before heading out with them to go play some volleyball at the rec center. We had exactly 12 of us show up for "practice". It was pretty much people from the old team LCM Spikers...but split. Someone from the team has decided to make his own team because he's a lot more competitive. It makes sense, but unfortunately, he also seems to have taken quite a few of our good players from the old team with him! Oh well. It'll be interesting because we're in the same league and are going to be competing against each other. He's still committed to helping everyone though, so we had people from both teams playing with each other that evening. It's going to be fun and I'm excited for the games to begin!

It was then to the library to work, where I didn't work as much as I would have liked so I went home and proceeded to fall asleep on the couch in front of my computer. Sigh. Another busy quarter awaits me!

Web Associates Company Party

I went on a date last night? Hehe. I did go on a date last night. But I guess that I don't know what kind...

Anyways, I signed onto Gmail Chat one day during class (Autonomous Robotics). I hadn't been signed on in a few days. Within a few seconds...*ping ping ping* Amy, Jimmy, and Van. Aw it feels nice to be thought of. :)

I got asked to go to a company party if I wasn't doing anything and was bored. I said sure...but because he was cool and not cause I was bored. I expected a CDM type of party, but this was something else! I played it safe with a simple but cute black dress, but I should have worn a dress with more oomph lol. The Web Associates company party was a blast. Open bar at a lodge in Cambria. Good looking guys dressed up nice with new haircuts. Ladies in dresses fit for a night at the club. I saw a lot of skin. But I guess I shouldn't have been surprised. I hear the monster companies are this way too...why should this one be any different? They're doing just as well. And it made it more fun.

We ate, drank, danced, and wandered. We hit up the company reserved dance floor and went around to rock out to a live rock band close by. The company also reserves hotel rooms which we checked out and it had a fireplace! I was impressed. The evening was so much fun. And I went in not knowing much about my date at all. By the end of it, I was thinking hmm...he's really sweet. :) And he's got better dance moves than me.

My only confusion was why he asked me considering we didn't know much about each other and hadn't talked in about a month. And before that...like half a year. Either way, I'm glad I went.

Skiing in Colorado

So in the aftermath, I am pleased to say that Colorado has wooed me with it's beauty and splendor. Even the cold wasn't all so bad. I mean...it was really cold, but everything else about it makes you forget about that at times. After the LSM Gathering, we all packed up our bags on New Year's Day and loaded into an over-sized van waiting for us outside the lobby. Everything on this trip was very well planned and executed.

We headed out from the Marriott in Denver to PJ's parent's cabin in Buena Vista...about a three hour drive. It was gorgeous. I sat in between Brian and Tyler in the first row of seats. Then it was Julie, Audrey and Cameron, and finally Phil, Erik, and Amber. Will got the navigator upgrade to the front seat. When we got in, we brought in our stuff to Bonny's cabin, and then walked back to PJ's parent's cabin for some delicious home cooked dinner. Full, we went back to our cabin to pick our sleeping spaces, unpack, and hang out. And boy did we hang out. Julie and I had agreed to room together, and she had chosen the room downstairs so I started to unpack. Turns out that Phil had taken the other room downstairs and Erik and Tyler would be in the living room right outside our doors. So the party was downstairs that evening. We took pictures, did human pyramids, and watched the boys try to show off their strengths. I was kind of annoyed at that...the fact that all the girls were all set on watching the boys while they did their own thing and bonded. I didn't feel like I got to know any of the girls any better. And if I wasn't there, surely nobody noticed or felt my absence.

It was an awkward trip in that sense. And I was different because having Erik around distracts me...makes me mellow. I keep thinking that I'm good, but this just shows me I need to move on more. Nobody else can make my heart feel that heavy. I long for someone else to divert my heart to. I think I'm ready for that now.

Don't get me wrong though, it was still a great trip. And for the most part, having my good friends around me, especially Ebrah makes me so happy I wouldn't want to be anywhere else. So despite everyone going to bed, the boys could still be heard having fart wars somewhere in the darkness. We woke up early the next day to ski Cooper, about 45 minutes away. It was bright and sunny and the snow was perfect. We practiced the bunny slopes to warm up an then hit the lifts. I decided to try goofy foot today. I felt very comfortable heel side, but could not for the life of me turn toe side to the mountain. So I would speed down the mountain one way, then leaf across a little bit before speeding down again. I saw some awesome wipe outs, including Erik doing a complete backwards somersault. Tyler had pretty much gotten down the heel-toe thing by the end of the day. We went home exhausted. Lasagna was awaiting us that evening. After some hanging out, cooking apple crisp, and doing massage trains for everything, Ebrah, Ty and I worked on our devotion for the next evening. We wanted it to be good, and we based it off of the song by Garth Brooks called "Standing Outside the Fire." This song had actually come to us on the radio while hanging out on the 20th floor of the hotel on New Year's Eve...or well...I guess Day.

The next day was sledding...probably the most dangerous day of our week lol. PJ took us to this awesome hill and we brought an inter tube and plastic butt shovels made for sledding. The first run was disastrous as Erik and Phil hit some holes that sent them flying into the ice and left Phil with a gnarly scraped ice burn on his face. So of course, they proceeded to go again. We all did. :) Next was a trip directly to the hot springs. It felt so good to be practically naked, contently warm, and surrounded by snow and mountains. We went home, took our showers, had pizza for dinner, and executed our devotional for the night. What a great day. Then it was back to our cabin for nert wars. Amber and I lost miserably lol.

Waking up early once again, Thursday we got to see snowfall as we headed over to Monarch. Ebrah and I hit the slopes right off the bat since we brought our own boards. We went up the Garfield lift, took the slopes down Sleepy Hollow to Tenderfoot, and ran into another ski lift. I was riding regular foot that day so I had some adjusting and getting used to to do on the way down. He motioned to it and I just nodded and followed. It wasn't until we were on our way up when I asked where we were going and he gave a shrug. Oh. My. Goodness. This lift would take us all the way up to the top of the mountain. I wasn't ready for that yet! So up Panorama we went. It was practically a blizzard up there. Clear skies...you could see all of ten feet in front of you before whiteout. We went along the ridge Sky Walker (which was horrible because it was flat and hilly in a lot of places...horrible for snowboards). We finally made it to KC Cutoff and headed down back to Sleepy Hollow and hit up Glade all the way down. After that, I must say my boarding got much better despite my burning legs. We found Will and went up Pioneer and down more slopes. We also went up the Breeze Way lift and down Little Mo. Some other paths we hit up were Roundabout (I don't recommend this), Romp, Drifter, Lower Tango, Great Divide, Ticaboo, Snowburn, Doc's Run, and Geno's Meadow. Perhaps some more that I do not recall. This trip was sure cooooold though. Wet snow was falling from the sky all day and the winds were strong. They almost closed the lifts. But yea I'd say one of my favorite runs was the Great Divide and Ticaboo.