High highs and Low lows

Can I trade this life in now for something else? A little piece of heaven maybe? I've decided that I'm over it. That I'm doomed if I do and if I don't.

It was a good day in a sense that I got two more companies officially on board for the ACM Banquet. They called, they paid, we're all happy. I talked to people today and it was good talks. I was keeping busy, in a good mood, and now all the sudden I may have more plans than I want to have lol. There's potential for Hawaii, skydiving, special movie showing, slo trips, visiting my dad, visiting sabrina, ACM Banquet, Google meetings, hanging out with Megan, my new roommate, my cousin, and Gloria, and friends from home coming up to visit me in SLO.

Of course, nothing is ever all good. I really am in one of those states right now where one thing seems to go wrong after another, and I'm getting numb to it really. Just accept it and move on with life. But I won't lie it affects me still and hits me hard at times.

Apparently ACM created new bylaws that I wasn't aware of and it hindered me from running in the officer elections for next year. Yea, it's not that I didn't get elected, I can't even run. I tried to plea my part, but they said no. That's crap, because I was so busy doing...well what do you know...things for ACM. It's been eating into my time and abilities at IBM...and I'm not going to let it do that anymore. In a sense, I just care less.

On another note, I had a friend who I cared for very much, and still do actually. But it was to a point where I'd be happy to see him and I felt like he'd turn something I said against me and accuse me of things...and yea the happy feeling left me. This seemed to happen over and over. I had already genuinely apologized for my mistakes. Yea, I did make mistakes, although they were never intentional, and never meant to hurt. But anyways, all those times he would call me things were bringing me down...way down...give me a gun so I can shoot myself down. I decided that I didn't want to feel so low anymore, and he'd been mentioning in our previous conversations that we shouldn't be friends or that he didn't know why we should be friends, so I went to him and finally told him there's nothing left in our friendship. I couldn't take it anymore. That was probably mistake number two. It is true yes, but considering I'm normally one to see things as how they can be, it wasn't necessarily the right thing to do, even though it seems like it is. I don't like painful situations, but I'd rather sit through them and work them out than walk away. Anyways, he's definitely ignoring me now, and I'm still being called stupid names. Great. The worst thing is that I don't care that we lead separate lives. But I still care that he's being different to me. When I said not friends anymore, I wasn't going to treat him different...we just weren't going to hang out like friends. I'm not going to respect him any less. After all this time I still don't have anything against him. Galatians tells me I shouldn't, and I agree. I made a mistake. He did too. But I can't be the only one to forgive. Or well...I guess I can. But I won't lie, this feeling sucks.

Dad's still in a coma-like state. I wish he'd wake up soon. I want to tell him I love him one more time again before he goes to heaven. I hope he'll be happy there and he'll remember me. For him, anything is better than what he's been though. I don't want him to remember his humanly state though, just his love for me. If he can go through that, then I can go through all this crap right now too...and turn out alright.