Lethargy

Do you ever look back on past messages, or texts, or whatever it is you have that jots down some sort of communication and think...wow they're all over the place...happy, sad, funny, random...and you think, I don't know who I am anymore. And all the sudden I'm defensive and everyone seems to have their opinion and corrects me in this and that and tells me what ideas are good and what aren't. And I've always been more of the listen and take in what other people say as being more true than what I might think (unless I know they're wrong). Even more is when I know what's good and what isn't and I still do the wrong thing. Like having a whole day to work, and staring off into space half the time. I never used to let time waste like that. I was so productive that I couldn't even believe it at the end of the day, and now...it's poop. I don't want to use the word depressed, but something doesn't fit right...or I just don't fit right with life.

I have a wonderful boyfriend, but he's picking me up when I'm down which is great...except the part where I'm down in the first place. Wait a second....I didn't used to be down before...at least not in the past two years. I guess I feel useless and trapped in the area between college and real world. And I can't seem to get out of it. Why is my life never normal...