Pyla

I've got two days of work left. And as I sit here, just relaxing after a work day in my office at work...playing Texas Holdem on facebook (yea I tell other people who do that they have no life lol)...I start to wonder about a lot of things. Boys...I'd just left the last dating pool of guys behind too...and thought I was done for the summer lol, til now...kinda at least.

And at this point, I'd say I matured a lot more over this summer. Learned a lot more about myself, and people in general. Learned to be content with myself and on my own. I learned how to be a better friend.

Like I've mentioned before, it's been a pretty rough summer. One to go down in the books. You can probably make a story off of it, though I have yet to see some final fantasy conclusion to my story...it just goes on, one chapter coming to a close.

How did it start out? Haha how honest do I want to be when my life holds so many other people in it. When does it become okay to come out and tell my life and not affect anyone else in a negative way...just as a learning experience and an opportunity to grow. Tell someday I guess. It's not like this little note is going to be that widespread. I get the feeling the people who read these blogs don't have a clue who I really am. But who knows...it's the internet right? Sheesh.

I was dating someone throughout last year, though I didn't know it at the time. It's not really dating, but looking back on it now, it's just easier to say so. He was cool, respectable, fun, a natural leader, intelligent, good looking...but had a side that I'd never seen before, and that was problematic because I had already trusted the side of him I did see. I won't go into describing him or the story leading up to the end further. Just jump to the end. What he wanted was purely physical...and I couldn't escape him under the circumstances that tied us together. It didn't help that a part of me liked him a bit too...the good side of him was very good. But what he wanted in the end wasn't what I wanted. I'm not that kind of girl. You hear stories of girls doing that all the time...sigh. After a final stand, and miscommunication and loss of trust between us, it was all hell from there until mid summer for me. Emails and hearing him yell...putting me down...with things that weren't always true. He is the only friend I've ever lost. And he was a very good friend at one point too. And by this time, I was more than happy to walk away. I look back on it now and am glad that cannot recall saying anything I regretted out of anger. I put my best effort into not judging others to the test. This was well supported by another good friend of mine.

Sometime after that, I was dating someone else, though I didn't know it either lol. This wasn't really a rough patch. We had a lot of fun, but maybe spent too much time hanging out in the beginning. I dunno. After the last guy, I had a paranoia of guys only wanting to be physical. I held this one at arm's length. I couldn't trust anyone anymore. Anyways, that might have been what pushed him away. But it was probably better that way anyways. I don't think we would have been much compatible at this time in our lives. He'd make a good business partner, or good roommate, but that's about all I got for now.

Hehe by this point, I'd let someone get to close, and then kept someone too far.

But other than that, work itself was a pain. I won't deny it. I'm doing the same thing full time workers on my team do. I wish I had my own project. Not only that but the project deadline got pushed up by an entire year, so all formalities were thrown out the window. Nothing was documented. And my my team was too busy to really help me. I lost motivation. It went in a cycle.

I did other things this summer, met a lot of new people, built up more contacts and put on tours at IBM and Google for students and other interns.

Then my Dad passed away. It was expected...yet unexpected. I mourned and now hold him in remembrance. I wonder if I was the daughter he'd always wanted. He taught me patience and showered me with love however he could. I know this. He didn't have to tell me. There's something about having your own blood carry a terminal illness your entire life. You have an empathy that nobody else can fathom...and it spreads on others. I never really had a dad, and yet I did. I keep wondering if I would have wanted a different life. A dad to play in the park with...someone to teach me tennis and take me to the movies and threaten boys who date me lol. Anyways, I would have wanted it to be different for him. I know he would have loved all those things...and that it must've killed him to see my uncles pick me up and play with me as a kid when he couldn't. I grew up learning something more. I find myself different that other people.

Anyways, I'm still dealing with the aftermath of this. More of the administrative stuff. Although I am sad that I cannot even ask him what his favorite flower is to put on his grave, I am glad that he is no longer in pain.

And as always, I met more people this summer. How, I don't know. They just happen...almost randomly lol. A few more dates, which were wonderful by the way. Lots of surfing. Learning to skateboard (just cruise). Planning out goals. Reading.

My phone got stolen. That sucked. Still does since I lost all your phone numbers. :(

And then I make a trip to LA which makes a sub-chapter in itself. I met wonderful people there. Had a small traumatic experience...that I don't remember lol. But the friends I did know...now they're really really great friends. And the ones that I met for the first time...amazing people. I've wondered more than once how we all randomly crossed paths. And I will admit that I am more than intrigued by some. Good hearts. Genuine. Intelligent. And they make me laugh. You know, they're rare lol. Anyways, I'm more than stoked to have new friends of such sorts.

My car got broken into...that was a first in my life. It's one of those things you hear happen to everyone else, but never really think it'll happen to you. Well...it sure does suck lol. But life goes on. No need to dwell on it.

A few more goodbye parties. Being homeless in a week. Interviewing for another job. Looking for a place to live and put my stuff. Closing off with my current job. Should keep me busy for the rest of the week and until school starts lol. Life is what you make of it. Better make it good and worth your while...and enrich the lives of others along the way. :)