Surprise Me

For those who know me, this is no surprise. And you can roll your eyes and tell me to move on. To those who don't know me, don't let this phase you. I'm at the point where I need to move on for good. Alas, the truth here an now.

If you were going to ask someone out, how would you do it? Is one way more effective than another? What if you love (or loved) someone so much...the real kind...not the obsessive or puppy kind. This confuses me sometimes because to truly love someone...and let's say they don't love you back...that means that you love them enough to...not love them? That doesn't sound right.

Anyways, back to the focus. When someone says no, do you just give up? What's the right thing to do? What do you do when you've truly cared about someone for two years...after breaking up. The feelings never went away. And you can't separate and cut yourself off from him. Even though I'm comfortable around him, my heart still flutters and I really am not as aware of the other people around me. It's different of course...if we were dating then it'd be different. I could focus on those around me and not so much on the light sorrow of not being able to date him or trying to get a trickle of his attention. It's odd to think that I consider myself a pretty strong person...strong willed, confident, happy...and yet one person can make all that come crashing down...the only one who's got enough of me to break my heart.

Anyways, looking at the past, I spent a lot of time leaning on him for support in my life. He was giving it to me, but mostly because I was making him. He's not perfect. He's kind of odd actually in some ways. He says some ridiculous things and doesn't understand a lot of things I would expect him to. But that's just the way I like him. I thought I didn't, but now I want all of those things back. And I've turned myself around. Now I want to support him and build him up. I want to be a light in a relationship. I think I'm ready to share that now with...someone.